The noPhone is the most secure mobile device yet
There are plenty of people who are looking for more security with their phones these days. Between the NSA, location tracking, and data-gathering services, there is really only one option to be completely safe, and the noPhone is it. The noPhone keeps you completely safe, while also being incredibly durable and never needing to be charged.
How is this possible, you ask? Easy. The noPhone keeps you safe by not having Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, or a cellular connection. In fact, it doesn't have a display or a battery either. Of course, that does mean that there is the downside that the noPhone doesn't feature a removable battery or a 4K display, which we know are important features for some of you. There is also no expandable storage, nor is there internal storage, so even if someone steals the noPhone, your data can't be compromised. That's about as secure as can be.
And, the noPhone also performs an important service for people who don't have phones, but want something of a surrogate device so your hand and pocket don't feel so empty. The noPhone allows "you to always have a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment."
Maybe best of all: everything about the noPhone can be summed up in a 3-second demo video.
Things that are NOT allowed: